Weight For It...

Two years ago I lost 40 pounds. I was so proud of myself. I felt great. 

I had 30 more to go to meet my goal. 

And then I gained it all back. 

There are all kinds of reasons - otherwise known as excuses. 

I've wearied myself trying to place blame.

My fault for not being perfect.

My friends for not physically restraining me at the gelato shop.

The mean kid in junior high who said I was ugly.

That cinnamon roll for being too tasty.

That awful girl on the school bus who made fun of me.

The man who broke my heart.

.......

Blah blah blah.

I'm starting to recognize the triggers. 

I'm starting to relearn what it means to be healthy. 

I'm falling down daily and picking myself up each morning.

Nights are hard for me.

I get lonely and bored and start munching. 

I want my freedom back. I want a new trial. 

I'm tired of this one. It's cramping my style.

(Didn't intend for that to rhyme, but it was a happy accident.)

I worked out for an hour on my new treadmill this morning.

It felt great.

I entered all of my meals in my new calorie-tracker app. 

And I did really well with my food today. 

I'm proud of that.

One day at a time.

My current goal is 82 pounds.

It sounds like a lot. It is.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Philippians 4:13

The Prodigal Daughter Returns... To the Dentist

It's been at least a year. I know. I know. I'm a coward. But sometimes it's just hard to make that call.

The last time I was at the dentist, Nan gave me a good scolding about my appalling flossing skills. And the Doc informed me that I need to go see a specialist about my lower right molar. While Nan succeeded in shaming me into improving my flossing habits (twice a day every day now!), the visit to the specialist was studiously avoided. Forgotten. Business card misplaced. Thought about. Taught a couple hundred kids. Worried over. Forgotten again. Went on a cruise. Stuff happens.

So, a week ago, I woke up with a huge lump in the lower right corner of my mouth. The gums were swollen and the tooth was throbbing. I ignored it. I fought through the pain. I prayed to the dental gods and asked for it to spontaneously heal itself. And then finally last night I decided I couldn't take it anymore. The lump was getting bigger and bigger and visions of abscesses and tumors and jaw removal surgery kept dancing through my head like sadistic sugarplum fairies. So I called the dentist office and threw myself on their mercy. I told them I was sorry that I had ignored their loving calls reminding me gently that "it's been a while". I asked them to please find some way to squeeze me in some afternoon as soon as possible. And I assured them that they were right and I was wrong and I should have just listened to them from the beginning. (Sadly, this was all left on an answering machine, so I can only imagine the bonding that took place around the phone this morning as the receptionist called people over to listen to my nervous ramblings.)

Well I got a blessed message today, telling me that - although the Doctor would be out the rest of the week for a vacation - he could squeeze me in this very afternoon after my math club meeting (more on that later). Miraculous! After a brief but tortuous check for any nerve damage involving tiny metal hammers, dry ice, and sharp little probes, he discovered that I have the mother of all canker sores on my gums - right on the inside of the jaw bone - which has caused the swelling and pain. He even whimpered a little bit when he described how big it was.
Grateful to know it's not a tumor.

I guess the dental gods were actually listening.

But I still have to work up the courage to call the specialist.